When Your Spouse’s Sleep Apnea Keeps You Up

He snores all night long. She won’t stop making that noise. He’s keeping you from getting any shuteye. She won’t go see a doctor about it. If you are at your wit’s end and don’t know what to do about your spouse’s sleep apnea condition, don’t worry. You’re not alone. According to the National Sleep Foundation, 23% of couples sleep apart due to snoring and other sleep-related issues.

What exactly is sleep apnea?

The first step to resolving an issue would be to understand what the problem is. Sleep apnea is when the upper airways become blocked, which cuts off some or all of your airflow. There are so many common sleep apnea treatments, like adapting to a healthier lifestyle change or using the continuous positive air pressure (CPAP) machine proscribed by a doctor. However, those of you who have a CPAP machine know that this isn’t always a totally silent sleeper aid. Some people prefer to add white noise to even out the sound of the machine.

Try These 12 Tips

Spouses and relationships when someone has sleep apnea? Potentially complicated. Not getting a full night’s rest can lead to irritability, stress, and fatigue. It can even start to impact the relationship at home. However, there is still hope for the restless. Here are 12 tips for dealing with your partner’s sleep apnea.

1. Talk: Talk to your spouse in an open and honest way about how you’re feeling about this situation. (It’s much easier than trying to read minds.)
2. Flexibility: As soon as you get into bed, it doesn’t mean lights out. Try to set some time to talk, snuggle, say goodnight--and then put on the mask.
3. Togetherness: Work together to make sleep time easier. Help clean and rehydrate the CPAP machine or join in with the lifestyle change. Being able to go on the journey together makes it easier for both.
4. Patience: Be patient with your spouse. They didn’t ask for this sleeping condition, and they are working hard to resolve it for you both to get some rest!
5. Positivity: Stay positive with your spouse about their decision to help treat their sleep apnea. It may be hard at first, but the positivity should help make the lifestyle change go smoothly.
6. Encouragement: “If sleep apnea is potentially a problem, encourage not only a sleep study, but other measures that may help, such as sleeping on the side, avoiding alcohol, weight loss, and avoidance of drugs that may make sleep apnea worse, like muscle relaxants and narcotics.” - Sally Ibrahim, M.D., Cleveland Clinic Sleep Disorders Center
7. Empathy: Try walking in their shoes...or sleeping in their CPAP mask. Trying on the mask is a good way of seeing what their night’s sleep is like.
8. Appreciate: Thank your spouse for being courageous and taking a step to address their sleep apnea.
9. Optimization: Make sure that the flow in the bedroom is comfortable and safe for any machinery that needs to be placed near the bed. You don’t want trip-ups at night.
10. Options: Talk about some short-term solutions to adjust to the new sleeping pattern. Like sleeping in another room for a couple of nights or trying out a new mattress.
11. Evaluate: Understand yourself and your spouse to see what type of creatures you are, whether it be a night owl or an early bird. Either way, figure out a sleeping pattern that works for you both, even if it’s at different times.
12. Peaceful: Sleep is supposed to be relaxing and peaceful. Talk about dreams with each other, cuddle, and have fun with your sleep.

Try out one, some, or all of these strategies to make sleep enjoyable for the both of you.